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The Brown Noser

Freshman Far More Persuasive When He Enunciates, Waves Gun Around

Published Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Ethan Feldman ’16 says he has been commanding a lot more attention, now that he has been working on his public speaking. “I used to be really shy and had trouble getting people’s attention,” said Feldman. “But ever since I started using clear methods of communication and just kind of waving this gun around at random, people really listen to what I have to say.”

Feldman, who was a member of his high school’s debate team and performed in local theater productions in his native New Haven, Conn., said he thought his speaking skills were good enough, until he realized how much more attention he could command just by enunciating his words and holding a gun.

Feldman’s new confidence comes courtesy of his uncle, who coached Feldman in public speaking and gave him one of his many handguns as a graduation present. The gun fits easily in Feldman’s coat pocket, though he finds it most useful when it is pointed visibly toward other people. “I’m not going to shoot it. Gosh, I don’t even know how to use it,” he said, casually twirling the gun on his index finger.

Feldman has found his new set of skills to be extremely useful in both his academic and social life. Feldman noted a difference in his academic performance just a few days after he started working on his diction and bringing the gun to his first year seminar. “The other day I was making an argument about the connections between Kafka and Melville in class. I concentrated on using my words effectively and pointing my gun at the professor and I realized that the whole class was listening really carefully to me. I had their full attention.”

This new aptitude for persuasive argument has even helped Feldman in his romantic life. “Allie wouldn’t give a second look at first, but I started using my persuasive argument skills and I finally got her to go on a date with me,” said Feldman.

Allie Bowen ’16 commented, “He just speaks so clearly. It’s a real turn-on when guys speak confidently.”

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