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The Brown Noser

Freshman’s Attempt To Reinvent Self Abandoned In First Conversation

Published Friday, September 5th, 2014

Sources report that in his first conversation with his new peers, Joshua Soule ‘18 gave up all plans to present a cooler, more confident version of himself. “Before getting to school, I had decided to introduce myself as ‘Josh,’" said Soule, “but when asked my name, ‘Joshua’ just came out and I realized I can’t hide from who I really am. Plus, what if I run into that guy from high school that goes here? He knows me as ‘Joshua’.”

Soule, who had planned to host parties in his room every weekend, reportedly realized almost immediately that efforts to present himself as anything except a kind and studious person were futile. "Someone asked me about what I like to do on the weekends. I was going to say that I like to party, but I’d be lying to everyone, especially myself. I’m a total biology nerd,” Soule said. “There’s nothing I like better than reading about epigenetics on a Friday night.”

According to sources, Soule was about to tell his peers about how much he loved watching and playing sports, but he just couldn’t do it. “I know a little bit about basketball and baseball, but that’s pretty much it. When my roommate wanted to talk about tennis I was in way over my head. This sports guys thing would just be too hard,” Soule said.

When the conversation turned to music, Soule’s new carefully selected music preferences were abandoned. Initially Soule was prepared to let everyone know that his favorite artist was rapper Kendrick Lamar, until he recognized that wasn’t how he wanted to start his time at college. “I’m not really into hip hop, and I’d just probably end up forgetting which songs of his I told everyone I liked. It would be crazy trying to remember all of these half-lies I told people. More importantly, I’m happy just listening to the music that I enjoy.”

When asked if he wanted to go to a hookah bar, Soule responded that he “had to pass,” noting that his new persona would have been totally down, but it really just wasn’t his thing.

Although he had no intention in the future to contact any of the people he just met, Soule made sure to put everyone’s number in his phone at the end of the conversation. “It just feels like one of those things you’re supposed to do, but I’m definitely not going to be one of those people who is always texting people about what’s going down over the weekend,” Soule said, describing the exact image of college life he had in his head over the summer.

When asked about Soule, classmate Nick Walton ’18 said, “He seems like a pretty nice kid. Definitely a little nervous, but I think we all are.”

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