Local five-year-old Junie Light, a little girl with a doe-eyed sense of wonder at the world around her, won’t shut the fuck up and stop asking so many goddamned questions.
“Oh my god, babysitting this girl is a nightmare,” said Olivia Peel, a college student tired of Junie’s beautiful curiosity about the world she suddenly finds herself in, a world in which everything is new and there is so much left to discover. “It’s like, I don’t fucking know how many types of birds there are, okay? I just want to give this girl dinner and put her to bed without her yapping my ears off with nonstop shit about how big dinosaurs were.”
“I tried reheating some leftovers for Junie in the microwave when she decided that she just had to ask me a fuckton of questions about how it worked,” recounted Peel about how an ordinary machine sparked the imagination of a child who finds amazement in all things. “Every question led to another one and soon she was asking me endless shit about outer space. How the fuck does this bitch expect me to know what’s bigger than the universe?”
“Why can’t she just sit for a few hours and watch a movie with me?” said Peel, wishing Junie would just become jaded and detached from the beauty of the world like she is. “It seems like she should just be able to watch Frozen like a normal kid without making me pause the movie every five minutes because she has another stupid question about ice.”
At press time, Junie had finally begun to chill out and ignore her innate drive to learn after sensing that her cool, older babysitter finds it annoying.