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A recent round of the popular board game Clue rapidly devolved into a heated discussion of how Miss Scarlett killed someone with a candlestick. The unconventional murder weapon has confounded players since the game’s invention.
“I don’t get it,” said player Leslie Feinstein, sliding her piece from the lounge to the billiard room. “Did she just, like, hit the guy really hard with it? But then, you can do the same thing with a lead pipe, so why use a candlestick? I’d just use a gun. Not that I’ve ever thought about it.”
Several players wondered where Miss Scarlett found the candlestick, given that she likely committed the murder in the conservatory, which typically doesn’t contain candles.
“She probably just took it from another room,” Feinstein said, furiously avoiding eye contact with the rest of the group. “Or, if it was preemptive, maybe she brought it from home and hid it in her purse. Waiting for the right moment. I can understand that. What I don’t understand is, if you have all these other murder weapons at your disposal, why pick up a candlestick? Obviously not speaking from experience here, but you’d think Miss Scarlett would have an antique Gold Inlaid Spanish Buffalo .25ACP Pistol hidden in the folds of her dress, or something.”
“I guess she could have just sharpened the candlestick? That would make it more practical, but it seems like it’d be so much work,” Feinstein murmured as she rolled the die between her thumb and forefinger, her thoughts heavy. “A gun would be so much quicker. Yes, much quicker.”
Later, the players began musing over how the candlestick, presumed to be glass, remained intact after the murder.
“It’s not possible,” Feinstein said, mentally retreating into the darkening void of her past. “It would shatter, and the cops would find her. She wouldn’t be able to get away, which is the most important part. It’s the most important part.”
At press time, Feinstein was reportedly not thinking about that cold evening last November.
