Partly Cloudy, 64°
Recent archaeological excavations at an ancient cave have uncovered brilliant prehistoric cave art which is really just the shittiest representation of a deer ever.
“Here, we can see the astonishing depiction of a now-extinct prehistoric deer, etched with a bone blade and tinted with red ochre,” announced archaeologist Monica Anders, gesturing towards a painting of three ugly lines that looked absolutely nothing like a deer. “Weren’t these artists in 14,000 BC true geniuses?”
“And look, this artist even used the natural contours of the cave ceiling to give form and dimension to this clearly pregnant deer,” Anders continued, pointing towards a little bit of red pigment smeared across a swell in the rock with what was probably a totally disproportionate horn. “The talents of these prehistoric painters truly cannot be praised enough!”
“This scene depicting a hunt is perhaps the greatest artistic triumph of the entire cave,” said Anders, showing an abysmal painting of several stick figures chasing a misshapen deer. “The ingenuity and pure creativity of these early hominids is something we may never be able to fully comprehend. But we are so lucky to have these paintings preserved, giving us beautiful glimpses into their world.”
At press time, a genius work of classic literature was by far the most boring book you’ve ever read.
