“It’s so fucked up, don’t even get me started,” exclaimed Gertrude’s cousin Cynthia Green, imagining how embarrassing roll call at school must be for Gertrude. “C’mon, people. There must be over a thousand different names to choose from. What’s wrong with Jill? Or Avery? Why the fuck did they have to go and name her Gertrude?”

In recent news, Gertrude’s parents are actually so fucked up for naming their
child Gertrude.

“This is really fucking me up, like, you don’t get it,” continued Green, thinking about poor Gertrude’s name being read aloud at her graduation. “I love Gertrude, I really do. It’s just so fucked up that she has to live life like this. Is this all she’ll ever know? How will she find joy in life? I can’t even look at her parents anymore.”

At press time, Clarence’s parents are actually so fucked up for naming him

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