Partly Cloudy, 64°
Archaeological reports from the Main Green indicate that the massive penis made of snow could, in fact, suggest the existence of an even more massive, aroused snowman buried underneath the ground.
“We could be looking at something far, far bigger here,” said David Lippitt, professor of Archaeology, gesturing at the eight-foot tall phallus looming in front of Sayles Hall. “At this point, though, it’s hard to tell. This could just be the tip of the iceberg.”
Nothing beside remains,” said a traveler from an antique land ‘25, who discovered the obelisk on his way to class. “And round the decay of that colossal cock, boundless and bare, the Blue Room and University Hall stretch far away.”
“Right now, we’re waiting on data from ground-penetrating radar, but the signs are pointing to a greater structure—something ancient, a relic of a civilization long forgotten,” added Lippitt, looking forlornly into the distance as the ground began to rumble. “And now, he has risen. God help us all.”
“There have long been rumors of satyric ice-beings ruling over College Hill, but I never thought the tales were true,” said local historian Donna Smith, gazing at the gargantuan, erect effigy. “He’s here and he’s horny—the prophecies were correct! Repent! Repent!”
At press time, a pumpkin on top of the Ratty suggested the existence of someone really, really tall who could put it there.
