Partly Cloudy, 64°
With a complacent smile and her hands folded in her lap, a girl in a Renaissance painting is chaste as fuck, sources report.
“She’s just so goddamn demure,” National Gallery docent Lucille Scanlan said, noting the girl’s untouched brown hair, curling at the ends. “She clearly refrains from any and all non-virginal acts. Just look how fucking delicate her pink cheeks are. And, hot damn, those eyes are as bright as the fucking sun!"
“There’s not a single fucking thing lewd about this girl,” Scanlan continued, analyzing the unrevealing nature of the girl’s simple blue dress. “I swear, the gold necklace sitting on her fragile, milk-white throat is maidenly as all hell.”
“She really sewed the fuck out of that bonnet with her nimble-ass fingers,” Scanlan said, impressed at the lace doilies laid out on the nice-ass chestnut table like quaint fucking water lilies floating on the surface of a motherfucking tranquil pond. “She’s as pure as the fucking snow, okay?”
At press time, wilting flowers in a still life were so fucking melancholy you don’t even know.
