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Senior Rachel Abbott announced that she plans on training for next year’s Newport marathon as part of her latest effort to become unpleasant.
“I’ll have to enact a strict training regimen if I truly want to become a displeasing individual,” Abbott said, wearing brand-new running shoes around her apartment in order to become a slightly worse person. “I’m going to need to change some things around here—habits, sleep schedules, my general pleasant demeanor—if I’m going to make my vibes a little more negative.”
“Being unpleasant is something I’ve always wanted to do, and running a marathon would be a perfect step toward achieving that goal,” she continued, annoyingly strapping a runner’s phone-holder around her upper arm and crafting a playlist titled “Runner’s High.” “I’m both excited and nervous to embark on this journey, but I know that, after I run this marathon, I’ll be proud of the irritating person I’ve become.”
“If someone told me a few years ago that I was one marathon away from having an irksome personality, I never would’ve believed it,” Abbott said, obnoxiously paging through a book on a runner’s ideal diet. “But I’m excited to slowly increase my mileage until I’m able to run 26.2 miles and until I’m able to be just a little more insufferable.”
At press time, junior Ben Stein announced plans to join The Indy in his latest effort to become pretentious.
