Friday, June 21, 2024
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

Girl With Peanut Allergy Really Fucking Up Birthday Party

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Blissfully jumping on a backyard bouncy house, local eight-year-old Katie Murphy is unaware of how much her peanut allergy is really fucking up this birthday party.

“It’s like she doesn’t give a shit about the rest of us,” said party attendee Emily Pradin, watching Murphy open a box of apple juice. “Now, we have to have a peanut-free cake instead of a normal one? And we have to order pizza from a special place instead of Dominos? She’s so fucking inconsiderate.”

“I was excited for this all yesterday,” Pradin continued while Murphy dug a hole in the sandbox with a colorful shovel. “Now, it’s all just bullshit. And all the grown-ups keep reading the chip labels and everything to make sure she can eat them. I mean, really? We all know she’s just doing it for attention.”

At press time, Murphy was also allergic to cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, and pistachios, but pecans were fine.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…