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The Brown Noser

Girlfriend Who Relates to Bella Swan Actually Just Incapable of Mature Relationship

Published Friday, September 22nd, 2023

Sources report that your girlfriend relates to Bella Swan from Twilight because she’s simply incapable of a mature relationship.
“God, I love Bella. She’s just so me!,” exclaimed your girlfriend, deciding to skip the date you planned a week ago so she could sit in her room feeling quirky and misunderstood. “And her unconditional love for Edward is, like, the most inspiring ever.”
“I honestly think we love in exactly the same way. I’d become a vampire for my lover, no questions asked!,” your girlfriend continued, while gifting you a generic Target candle and a mechanical pencil for your one-year anniversary. “Just like Bella, I want life-or-death infatuation! I want a majestic declaration of love on a mountain top! I want to stay bound by our undying adoration, even though everything is against us!”
“Plus, Bella and I look so much alike. Pale girls unite!,” said your girlfriend, while drafting a breakup text because she doesn’t really feel like investing time into a relationship with someone who simply loves her without fighting a thirst for her blood. “And she gives me hope that I’m gonna find my Edward someday.”
At press time, your girlfriend was spotted on the Main Green, searching for any boy who sparkles in the sun.

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