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The Brown Noser

God Can’t Remember Why He Made Area Man

Published Friday, December 5th, 2014

The Lord Our Father recently admitted that he couldn’t, for the life of him, remember why he made local man Lucas Wilkins.

“I definitely made him in my image and gave him a purpose, as I do all humans,” said God of Wilkins, who works at a gym and spends his weekends drumming in a band. “But I’m drawing a blank on why I created this guy.”

“It might have had something to do with serving me, but I feel like there was more to it,” God added.

Noting that he’s had a lot on his plate in the 29 years since he made Wilkins, Our Heavenly Father confessed that he should have taken more careful note of Wilkins’ path when he laid it out for him. “Sometimes all those missions and life purposes get lost in the shuffle, and it doesn’t help that the Earth’s population has been growing so quickly,” said God.

God said that this isn’t the first time he’s forgotten what he made someone for. “There was this woman, Maggie I think, and I completely lost her file. I ended up just coming up with a new life purpose for her,” said the eternal being.

God added, “There’s always a moment of panic, but usually if I take a long walk or a shower it comes to me eventually.”

After an afternoon of racking his brain and asking around in Heaven to see if anyone remembered why he made Wilkins, God said he was about ready to just change Wilkins’ purpose during his time on earth to caring for his family.

“Oh wait, I remember,” said the Lord. “State representative.”

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