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Martha Bancroft, your godmother who died in 2005, would have given you a better locket if she knew you’d become so obsessed with it.
“It’s so odd to watch you wear that thing every day,” said Bancroft from beyond the grave. “That was, like, my fourth-best locket. It cost me, like, five dollars. If I had known you’d be so into that shitty necklace, I would have given you a way better one.
Speaking from the next life, Bancroft confirmed that it’s honestly a little embarrassing that you remember her by that ugly little locket.
“To be perfectly honest, I gave it to you because I didn’t want it anymore,” continued Bancroft. “I figured you wouldn’t know how cheap it was because you were just a kid. I guess I figured you’d realize by now. It’s fine if you like it for sentimental reasons, but if you could stop telling people it belonged to me I’d really appreciate it.”
At press time, Bancroft also wishes you’d stop telling people those shitty cookies you make are her recipe.
