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The Brown Noser

Gorgeous Italian Fresco Never Not Under Restoration

Published Friday, October 29th, 2021

According to church sources, the beautiful 16th-century fresco painted on the walls of St. Anthony’s Basilica in Vicenza is never not undergoing restoration.

“We’re proud to draw tourists and art enthusiasts from all over the world to witness Albertuccio’s renaissance masterpiece, or what you can see of it through the scaffolding,” explained Basilica tour guide Giulia Ruscetti. “Notice how Albertuccio plays with light on the soft skin of Jesus’s forehead. Of course, you can’t really see it now because of the tarp.”

According to official Vicenza city records, the basilica’s renowned fresco has been in a state of constant restoration since Albertuccio completed it in 1531.

“There has never been a time that the fresco has been displayed in its entirety,” continued Ruscetti. “We like to think that only adds to its mystery.”

“We promise that in the future you may be able to see the whole fresco,” Ruscetti continued as she walked underneath a ladder that a worker was using to shine some sort of UV flashlight on the fresco. “Once we finish our routine revarnishing, touch-ups, and plaster reconstitution, we have to let the fresco rest in complete darkness for 20 years. Then we’ll see where we’re at.”

At press time, the basilica’s famous dome is never not covered in bird shit.

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