Last Tuesday Brown University administration was forced to raze the entire Grad Center complex after the discovery of a weird bug there. Immediately following students’ reports of the gross insect, the administration declared that the five Grad Center buildings were a life-threatening hazard, and the complex was destroyed via controlled implosion the next day.

“We apologize to the Grad Center residents who are being displaced, but at the end of the day, we had no choice in the matter,” stated university representative Greg Forsyth, ordering a colleague to inspect the wreckage where the towers once stood for any potential bug survivors. “A prestigious Ivy League institution like Brown University could not in good conscience let Grad Center continue to stand while such a wacky, disgusting bug was there.”

“First and foremost, it is our solemn duty to keep our students safe in their residence halls,” continued Forsyth, shuddering at the thought of the nasty bug’s icky legs. “Now that the bug is gone, the Brown community can rest easily once more.”

Elsewhere on campus, a construction crew was busy paving over the Main Green after a student found an ugly worm in the grass.

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