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The Brown Noser

Grim Reaper Offers Victim AUX Cord During Journey To Underworld

Published Friday, April 29th, 2016

Offering his passenger a complimentary stick of gum and giving him full control of the music, the Grim Reaper is doing everything in his power to provide his victims with a safe, comfortable trip to the underworld.

“For a while, I was pretty sad that I was dead,” said Mark Lassiter, who died of cancer last week, “but as soon as the Grim Reaper picked me up, I knew my trip to the underworld was going to be a good experience.”

Lassiter credited the perfectly set air conditioning and the Grim Reaper’s casual, laid back attitude with making his trip worth a five star review.

“People’s standards have really gone up over the past few years,” explained the Grim Reaper, stocking up on chilled water bottles to offer his dead passengers. “I used to just pick people up when they were dead and we would walk to the underworld together. We’d have a little chat or share a snack or something. These days people really expect a little more flare and accommodation. If my rating drops below four stars, God will fire me and hire a new Grim Reaper, so that pressure is always on my mind while I’m working.”

At press time, the Grim Reaper was seen placing a new evergreen scented air freshener on his rearview mirror as he headed towards the home of a woman who tried to get rid of a wasp’s nest with her bare hands.

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