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The Brown Noser

Guy In Nonfiction Workshop's Mom Definitely Doesn't Want You To Know That

Published Friday, April 22nd, 2022

After workshopping his creative nonfiction essay in class, it became clear that sophomore Gus Hardis’s mom definitely doesn’t want you to know that.

“Gus really went in on his childhood, and he wrote about a bunch of intense things that his mom definitely doesn’t want us all to know,” Hardis’ classmate Eileen Cooper said, leaving comments on Hardis’s most recent piece. “Like, there was a part about how the first time his mom cried in front of him was the moment his childhood ended, which felt like something she wouldn’t have wanted him to share with seventeen of his peers and a Brown professor.”

Hardis’s mother is reportedly unaware of the fact that her son’s classmates are well-versed in how she molded Hardis’s anxieties and flaws, and she would certainly be pretty upset if she found out.

“She would definitely be embarrassed if she knew a group of random twenty-year-olds was picking apart how Gus only began to understand her after finding and reading her high school diary in secret,” Cooper said, scanning Hardis’s essay, which included excerpts from the diary. “Also, she’d for sure be uncomfortable if she knew about the part where Gus explains how her hair going gray forced him to come to terms with mortality.”

At press time, Hardis’s probably uncle doesn’t want you to know that his divorce forever changed Hardis’ relationship with love.

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