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Sources report that local man Greg Jenkins is still grappling with a haunted house’s decision to instantly hire him as a scare actor.
“Maybe it’s my hair?” contemplated Jenkins, whose face looked like it’s been hit by a bus, twice. “I haven’t had it cut in, like, two whole weeks, so it’s definitely getting a little unruly.”
“I came in to interview for a janitorial position. You know, mopping up fake blood and stuff,” said Jenkins, who has spent the last 26 years of his life cleaning dark corners, definitely not lurking in them. “Next thing I know, they’re handing me a chainsaw and telling me to ‘embrace my natural essence.’ What does that even mean?”
“Oh yeah, Greg doesn’t need to change anything about how he looks, and I know he’s still gonna be our top scarer,” said manager Theresa Manning, greedily rubbing her hands together. “Sure, no one wants to look at him, but I just think about how much money he’s saving us by not needing any masks or makeup!”
At press time, Jenkins was caught scaring himself after accidentally catching his own reflection in the house of mirrors.
