Partly Cloudy, 64°
Reports from the Rockefeller Library’s stacks indicate that the guy watching porn over there had better be in a porn class.
“Look, I know the library is for everyone, but there really is only one good reason why someone should be watching that kind of thing in here,” said Andy Sparks-Halliday ‘25, who had noticed another student watching “Saving Ryan’s Privates” for the past 45 minutes without headphones. “I’m going to be very concerned if he isn’t doing that out of pure academic interest.”
“He’s not taking notes or anything, but he’s also not masturbating,” added a confused Sparks-Halliday, who noted that the film’s cinematography paled in comparison to the 1957 indie classic “12 Horny Men.” “I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I know he can’t be watching it for the plot,” continued Sparks-Halliday, who couldn’t help but recognize a few of the film’s cast members. “He could have at least selected something with a better narrative.”
At press time, the students drinking vodka in the SciLi better be in the alcohol drinking class.
