Partly Cloudy, 64°
First-year Harold Anderson who paid an arm and a leg to get into Brown definitely wrote about being an amputee in his application.
“I don’t know what to say, except that whatever anyone thinks I did, I would never do,” exclaimed Anderson, subtly concealing the fact that his amputation had all been a ploy to pay his way into the University. “It is solely my intelligence and hard work that got me here. That’s it. To the people saying I sold my limbs to CPax for admission, how could you even suggest such a preposterous thing?”
“I don’t even know CPax like that. Does anyone?” continued Anderson as he crossed his arms, or at least attempted to, while his one remaining leg nervously tapped the floor. “Sure, maybe I’d part with an arm. But a leg? I would never stoop that low! I love my legs, I had great legs! Not even CPax deserves something like that.”
“Okay fine, you got me. I think I may have briefly mentioned the amputation in my application, maybe,” said Anderson, as if his video portfolio wasn’t a full step-by-step of the amputation process that conveniently focused on his recovery. “I mean, I thought it was normal to talk about your trauma in applications. But there’s so much more to me, you know."
At press time, guy who shot himself in the foot during a recent interview still didn’t get accepted to a gun range internship.
