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In a tragic turn of events last week, on his quest to attract baddies, local smoker Joshua Moore was diagnosed with the ultimate baddie: lung cancer.
“I really don’t know where to go from here,” Moore confessed as he purchased his fifth pack of Marlboros this week. “I always knew I wanted to attract baddies, but not like this, never like this.”
“They really don’t tell you about the whole addiction thing when you buy cigarettes,” Moore continued, despite the fact that all cigarette packages come with a health warning in bold letters. “I just wanted to look sick and have girls want me. Now I am sick and girls just feel bad for me. This sucks.”
“I thought I would look so cool smoking outside parties,” Moore continued as his white blood cells struggled in vain against the onslaught of tar in his lungs. “But now I have to carry an oxygen machine around, which chicks do not dig.”
At press time, Moore decided he would go for a “The Fault In Our Stars” thing to get sensitive baddies.
