Partly Cloudy, 64°
Recent reports suggest that a guy who’s already having a bad day has no idea that I’m about to rob him.
“Well, it started this morning when I spilled my coffee on myself while I was driving to work,” grumbled Stanley Parsons while unwittingly turning the corner down the dark alley where I lay in wait. “And then of course I had to go home and change my clothes, which made me so late for work that my boss chewed me out in front of the whole office.”
“It only got worse from there! I got a call that our insurance policy got canceled because they lost my last payment!” continued Parsons, unaware that his insurance wouldn’t have covered what I am about to steal from him anyway. “Just my luck, huh?”
“And to top it all off, I come home to find my wife in bed with my best friend, can you believe that?” exclaimed Parsons, who might be comforted to hear that I’ll rob his wife next. “After all of that, I said ‘fuck it’ and decided to treat myself to a peaceful walk in my favorite dark alley in town.”
“Whatever, man, the day can’t get any worse than this,” foolishly claimed Parsons before venturing ever closer to the dumpster that I’m hiding behind. “At least I can still enjoy my awesome wallet.”
At press time, I only found fifty dollars in Parsons’s awesome wallet.
