Unable to determine the amount of irony involved in the haircut, sources report that Brandon Schmidt, a man across the street with a mullet, is either drastically more or less cool than you. “This could go one of two very extreme ways,” said sources, trying to make out if Schmidt has a mullet in a bad-fashion-sense kind of way or a semi-ironic-self-aware-queer-80’s-reclamation sort of way. “This guy is either so cool that we just have to trust he knows what he’s doing, or so uncool that he doesn’t know the mullet has long gone out of style. He either looks great or terrible, but let’s be very clear: there is no in-between.” At press time, Schmidt’s ill-fitting jeans did not help in determining the answer.

Article tools

• Print
• Email
• Tweet