After a weightlifting session at the Nelson, it became clear that junior Todd Rigg doesn’t know the names of muscles. “He was pointing at his obliques, talking about how sore they were after a set of side crunches, but he was calling them his ’stomach ouchies,’” said Rigg’s gym buddy Joey Miren as Rigg called his bicep his “front arm.” “For a guy who’s always at the gym, he really has no idea what any muscle in his body is called. We did squats yesterday, and he was like, ‘I’m so glad we’re finally strengthening our thigh beef.’ Like, what? And then, when we were doing push-ups, he was so excited to make his ‘arm brawn’ bigger. It got kind of embarrassing, to be honest with you. I mean, he’s calling calves his ‘lower leg flap meat.’ It’s getting sort of dire.” At press time, a biologist evidently didn’t know the parts of the cell.

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