Heartless first-grade teacher Helen Green recently added a class rule after “have fun,” sources report. “Rule number one, of course, is ‘have fun,’” Ms. Green declared, mere moments from despoiling the goodwill she had just created among her students by despotically etching the oppressive order onto the chalkboard for all to see. “And rule number two is to always listen to my instructions." At press time, Ms. Green was seen preparing a class snack of carrot sticks and celery as if she’d never heard of Nilla Wafers.

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