In response to the endless stream of disheartening news stories, local hunter Tanner Klunk is scrambling to protect the world’s endangered species so he doesn’t miss out on the chance to go shoot them.
“Someone has to look out for these species, and I’m taking it upon myself to help in any way I can,” Klunk said, polishing the barrel of his shotgun with an oily rag. “How dumb are we as humans to let all these critters die of climate change when that means we'll never get the chance to shoot them to death with a gun?”
“I’ve donated tens of thousands of dollars to conservation groups, transitioned to paper straws, and gone vegan,” Klunk continued, carefully arming a beartrap with the hopes of ensnaring a beast whose species is scientifically classified as endangered. “And I’m really optimistic that if everyone makes little changes in their own lives, we can reach a point where I won’t have to wonder if I’ll ever
get the chance to brutally kill these animals in their natural habitats.”
At press time, local loggers were frantically preventing forest fires so they could get a chance to clear-cut the forests themselves.

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