Partly Cloudy, 64°
Dear Fellow Proud Conservative Americans,
Having read the work of Jenny Smith ’27 in the Brown Daily Herald yesterday, I believe it is time for us to change our attitudes. I stand fully with our beloved President Donald J. Trump. But his tactics have gone too far.
As Smith ’27 so eloquently pointed out in her 1000-word column, “the modern American politosphere turned unwittingly cruel when brothers turned their backs on one another. We are not ‘mentally challenged blue-haired woke crooked communist marxist lyin’ fat low-IQ snowflakes’ and ‘republicans.’ We are one. One Nation Under God.”
I was planning on emailing my colleague Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a strongly worded email today. The subject line was drafted as “Hey Dumb Bitch Get a Load of This One,” and the body was a cartoon of male genitalia. But Smith ’27 showed me the error of my ways.
I’ve rephrased my letter: subject line “Dear Beloved and Respected Colleague,” and the body now contains a beautiful image of people of all colors and creeds holding hands in front of our Star Spangled Banner.
I encourage you all to read Smith’s ’27 truly brilliant work. I have seen the error in my ways. I now know kindness is the way.
Peace and Love,
Speaker Mike Johnson
