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The Brown Noser

I Would Never Turn To Dating Apps. I’m Perfectly Content Being Single by (920)183-1983

Published Friday, November 1st, 2024

How sad is it that we’ve become so obsessed with vanity and shallow relationships that we choose to invest our precious time into scrolling on dating apps instead of investing time into our 5’5”, cute, brunette, well-educated, Miss America-adjacent selves? Why is our generation so obsessed with the idea of finding someone handsome to complete our funny, emotionally intelligent, incredibly charismatic, yet super kind and caring personalities?

To be honest, I think dating apps just freak me out—they feel so vain, trying to get into a relationship without knowing more than a couple of facts about a person. I’m perfectly content with being single and spending time cooking really delicious food, watching F1 driving, and listening to Frank Ocean.

I just think it’s so unfortunate that our generation has come to this. That we dislike the idea of being single so much that we’d rather swipe on Hinge and Tinder than enjoy our time spent alone. I, for one, love spending some me-time baking far too many cookies (on the fourth floor of Greg A at the end of the hall) with no one to give my extras to.

Really, I’m going to spend the rest of college focusing on me—getting good grades, doing some morning yoga, making new friends who look kind of like Andrew Garfield and are preferably around 5’11”—really just basking in my single girl era. I’m just not looking for anything right now. And between you and me, I’d never turn to dating apps. I just feel like that would be so desperate, like just putting my profile out there on blast for anyone to read and contact, y’know?

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