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The Brown Noser

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time I Had A Million Dollars I’d Have One Hundred And Seventeen Thousand Five Hundred Dollars By Jeff Bezos

Published Friday, December 16th, 2022

“How do you do it Jeff? How do you work hard enough to make one hundred seventeen billion five hundred million dollars as of December 2022?” That’s what people always ask me, and they’re always so surprised when I tell them, “I don’t work that hard!” and then we laugh and laugh.

People always think making the one hundred seventeen billion five hundred million dollars is the hard part, but really, the hard part is what to do with your time once you have it. I’ve experimented with a lot of hobbies over the years; I’ve tried telling dogs at the shelter I’m going to adopt them and then instead ripping up the adoption papers in front of them, I’ve tried finding areas struck by natural disasters and buying all the canned goods in the area to minimize access for the locals that need it, and I’ve even gotten into online sports betting. But, despite my best efforts, I still couldn’t fight off the creeping feeling of emptiness.

That is, until I found a way to make the hours fly by like my private jet! What truly puts my mind at ease is thinking in new, creative ways about the vast, unimaginable wealth I’ve accrued. For example, did you know that if I had all of my wealth liquidated as one dollar bills, I would have a stack of money as tall as one hundred seventeen thousand five hundred 30-story buildings stacked on top of one another? Pretty neat, huh? Did you know that it would take you, the person reading this, more than one hundred seventeen thousand five hundred lifetimes to read as many words as I have dollars? That’s super nuts, don’t you think? But also super cool!

Wanna hear something else that’ll totally blow your mind? If a person with one hundred seventeen billion five hundred million dollars spent ten dollars every second, it would take them 327 years to spend it all! Pretty kooky!

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