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The Brown Noser

I'm The Damn Mayor And What I Say Goes!

Published Friday, April 14th, 2023

Listen here. Listen here! Look, I wanna hear all of your suggestions to make this town better. Okay? I really do. But you gotta remember that I’m the damn mayor, not you, and what I say goes.

I’m glad you all feel comfortable coming to these town hall meetings—after all, democracy is made of town hall meetings—and I’m glad you guys aren’t afraid to say what you want and how you feel. But, level with me, here. You gotta do what I say sometimes. My political moves are non-negotiable! They’re for the good of the town, after all, and y’all just have to start listening to me more.

Cathy, please sit down, I’m trying to say something important here. Martin, don’t you dare interrupt me—I saw you open that big mouth of yours. See, this is exactly what I mean. You elected me, and now you refuse to respect me. Well, you’re not the mayor. I am. And so you’ve gotta have some damn respect.

CATHY, I SAID SIT YOUR DAMN ASS DOWN, WOMAN! I’m gonna lose my FREAKIN’ mind! I’M the mayor, DAMMNIT. Have a LITTLE courtesy, Cathy. Have a little respect! What I say goes, okay? I’m not gonna dwell on this any longer. First order of business—CATHY, shut your damn mouth or, god forbid, I’m gonna do something I regret, which would be bad for both you and for my reelection campaign. Good god, you guys, I’m the damn mayor, and what I say freakin’ goes!

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