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The Brown Noser

In Special Address, President Obama Finally Tells The American People He Loves Them

Published Friday, April 29th, 2016

After over seven years in office, President Obama finally admitted his love for the American people on Tuesday. From the East Room, Obama professed that he’s been too reticent in the past and now was the time to change that.

“Enough with the games, I’m in love,” Obama said after approaching the podium with flowers in hand. “I don’t want to just be your president; I want to be more than that."

Obama reportedly came to the decision to announce his true feelings in an effort to take advantage of the little time he had remaining in office. “Life’s too short to not be honest with each other,” Obama said. “I’m not just going to stand here and pretend that I’ve been president for seven years and have no feelings for you guys.”

Top aides reveal that before his speech, Obama was shaking and sweating because he was so afraid that the American people would not feel the same way about him. However, a trusted advisor quickly reminded him that it was important to get his emotions out there and not worry about whether the population of approximately 300 million reciprocated his feelings.

Obama concluded his speech by urging the House and Senate to draft up a joint resolution as soon as possible with their thoughts on everything he just said. “Congress has an important responsibility,” said Obama. “On the behalf of the American people, you must make it clear to me how all of you feel and soon. I can’t wait much longer.”

As of press time, Obama started to wonder if things with the nation were moving too fast.

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