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Centuries of innovation have been building towards a critical moment in human ingenuity that I believe we are fast approaching. I am speaking of the phenomenon known as the singularity. It is the climax of technological advancement that will afford us the scientific means of transcending our own mortality through rapid and exponential technological growth.
Also though, I think it will make us understand dog language.
The moment is not far off, my friends. One of the biggest changes will be a drastic elongation of human lifespan. It is for this reason that I believe the first human to live to 150 has already been born. Similarly, I believe the first human to talk to a dog has already been born. They might even be the same human. Once we’ve reverse engineered the human brain, it’s not going to be long before we map the dog brain and figure out what all that barking and growling adds up to. My guess? A whole lot of pretty coherent observations about life.
What might a human talk to a dog about? Perhaps to ask why bones are an appealing snack. Or, what’s the deal with the belly-rub face? Or maybe a more personal question, like, do you miss your dog parents?
The possibilities are endless.
The singularity will result in a rapid succession of medical discoveries that will enable us to eradicate chronic illnesses around the world. Illnesses like cancer and epilepsy. Also, dog cancer and dog epilepsy. People will rejoice in these breakthroughs, and dogs will tell us that they appreciate our help by barking out the sentence in dog language that means, “Thank you for saving our lives,” which we will be able to understand and respond to by barking back in dog language the sentence that means, “Of course, not a problem” or, “Don’t mention it.”
That’s what the future is going to be like. People and dogs just talking to each other all the time like it’s no big deal. Also, robots.
By 2020, we’ll have computers that are powerful enough to simulate the human brain. This means we’ll finally have machines that we can interact with as though they were humans. Like us, these machines will have the capacity to interact with our canine friends on a linguistic level.
Will robots and dogs get along? There’s no way to tell. We’ll just have to wait six years and see. But I bet they will.
As exciting as these future possibilities may be, we must always keep in mind that technology is just as dangerous as it is helpful. The singularity will solve many of our problems, but it will also give us a new set of challenges to grapple with. For instance, how do we prevent terrorists from using biological technology to orchestrate devastating attacks on the public? Or, on an ethical level, if dogs will be able to talk to us, will it be appropriate for us to continue to own them as pets?
In response to the latter of the two questions, I’m going to go ahead and say probably not. In all likelihood, there will be a transitional period where we use our newly enabled linguistic powers to educate the masses of dogs while continuing to own them as pets. But after a generation or so, dogs are going to be linguistically comprehensible autonomous beings who wish to be able to pursue their own interests.
By 2044, a dog will run for president. I’d vote for that dog.
When we get to the steep part of the exponential, many things will change. Some of those changes are exciting, like the prospect of a future without poverty, or the idea of a late night dog talk show where a dog host interviews both famous people and famous dogs about various subjects. Others are scary and involve the abuse of technology and the very real possibility of an allied dog and machine uprising.
But there is no doubt in my mind that the singularity is coming, and it brings with it a sea change in the way we live our lives. I look forward to meeting you and your functionally conversational dog in that bright and shining future.
