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The Brown Noser

In This Crazy Game We Call Life, It Doesn’t Matter What Kind Of Car You Drive, What Your Career Is, Or How Big Your House Is; The Only Thing That Matters Is That By The Time All Players Have Retired At Millionaire Estates, You Have The Most Money

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

Life is not easy. In this modern day and age, people waste so much energy worrying about trivial things. Everyone thinks they need to be the best at everything, and it’s quite easy to lose sight of what’s most important, namely winning. That’s why, if you ever feel too stressed, just take a deep breath and remind yourself that as long you have the most money by the time all the LIFE tiles have been turned over you will be fine.

Nowadays, people are always rushing to get to their next destination. They aren’t satisfied to sit back and enjoy the wonderful artwork on the board. If you don’t take time once and a while to look at the beautiful sky, you are missing out. Plus, in the end it doesn’t really matter how fast you move in Life because there is no strategic advantage in finishing first.

People often try to define themselves by their careers. Your career is not who you are. It’s silly to think that way. In the grand scheme of things, your career is insignificant because your salary card determines how much money you make, which is the only thing that counts. Athletes, doctors, lawyers can all make the same thing. The highest possible amount is $100,000, so make sure to draw the $100,000 card.

Once you have your career, you might be tempted to try to accomplish as much as possible. Of course, you should do this, for no other reason than the monetary value assigned to each achievement. For example, if your “toy invention sells big,” you receive $150,000. However, you could also “invent a new sport” for $50,000 and “discover a new planet” for $100,000. It’s pretty neat how Life works. You can do anything you want as long as you eventually make a lot of money from it.

The road of Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns. No one can completely plan for these detours, but in this fast paced world, one often overlooked aspect in Life is insurance. People underestimate the necessity of having both home and auto insurance. Often, it takes a traumatic event such as landing on a white space or passing a red space to realize you should have had insurance, but by then it is too late. You have already lost turns worth of cash. There’s no worse feeling than knowing you would have won if only you had purchased insurance.

Take it from me, status symbols like fancy houses mean nothing. In fact, the cheaper the house you have the better. The Victorian house costs $200,000, while the split level house costs $40,000. There’s no need to spend the extra money on your house, when that money could go to a better cause. Instead of paying more than you need to for a house, you can save that money until the end of Life where it might help you win. Why spend a few extra bucks on something nice now when that money could hypothetically be enough to provide you with marginally greater wealth than someone else in Millionaire Estates?

Some say that family comes first, but the truth is that’s not how Life works. The person you marry is insignificant because the game has no special benefits or penalties based on your choice of life partner. Children are just as unimportant. You just put them in your car and continue with Life. You can have no children or the maximum four, and, ultimately, it makes no difference.

To be honest, despite all my talk of strategy, Life is ultimately a game of chance. There’s only so much you can do before the spinner determines your fate, but don’t worry. Whether you win or lose you can just play again tomorrow. That’s the great thing about Life; you always get a second chance.

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