Sources report that The College Hill Independent is planning on publishing an article about a band that none of you stupid losers have ever heard of. “It’s gonna center around this super cool band that none of you idiot morons are familiar with,” said Indy editor Paige Highland, scrolling through a Spotify playlist of songs that none of you asshat pigs would know. “We’re gonna tackle a lot of hard-hitting topics, like artistic gentrification and creative oppression, all through the lens of discussing this band that none of you dumb fuck ostrich shits have ever listened to.” At press time, the Indy was printing a mixed-media collage that not a single one of you rat-sniffing uggos will understand.

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