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The Brown Noser

Interviewer Creeped Out By Amount Of Research Done By Job Applicant

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Telling sources that the kid really did a deep dive, Pierce Publicity HR manager Whitney Broder was reportedly creeped out by the amount of preparatory research done by potential hire Adam Pettiman.

“He started off the interview by telling me how much he loved the Crevinsky campaign I directed last year,” said Broder, adding that this was a fine touch that showed his dedication to getting the job and that if only he’d stopped there, everything would have been hunky-dory. “And then he brought up something I’d mentioned in an interview a few years back about liking Twizzlers, and said that they were his favorite candy, too. That was… nice, I guess?”

Pettiman then reportedly referenced an article published by Broder in her college newspaper in 1998 and called it “brilliant” which, Broder claimed, “is pretty fucking far from the truth, and how did he get his hands on that thing anyway?”

“Afterwards, he told me he had found a potential deduction that we missed when we filed our taxes last year, and that it could have saved the company thousands of dollars,” Broder continued, adding that there’s no way in hell he could have gotten those documents without paying off someone way up in the IRS. “Jeez, if he’s read those, there’s no telling what else he could have seen. He must have eyes everywhere.”

Broder then reportedly gasped as she realized Pettiman must have worn that tie with the dolphins on it because her Facebook profile picture was taken at Sea World.

“At the end of the interview, he shook my hand and told me to say hello to Hannah and Jessica for him,” Broder finished with a shudder, referring to her two young daughters who were never mentioned in the interview.

At press time, Pettiman was being offered $80,000 a year and full benefits.

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