Parishioners at St. Mark’s Holy Cathedral were reportedly dismayed to discover Father Daniel Gladstone smacking his lips together after taking a big sip of holy water.
Father Gladstone was spotted cupping his hands and reaching into the basin of holy water shortly after Mass ended on Sunday. “I know I’m technically not supposed to drink the stuff,” Father Gladstone conceded, “but what people don’t understand is that my job is tough. I figure if anyone deserves this little treat, it’s me.”
“Besides, how’s anyone really going to notice if I take one or two eucharist wafers when I’m hungry during Mass,” Father Gladstone added.
“We need to find a new priest,” said church president Randall Barnes. “Father Gladstone has no respect for our traditions. If he did, he wouldn’t have put shades over our stained glass windows because he thinks it gets too sunny during the summer.”
Father Gladstone was last seen hanging his coat on a crucifix.