Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian leaders reached a landmark resolution Monday aimed at creating lasting peace through widespread murder. “To reach peace, we must lay down our weapons. And pick up much larger and deadlier ones,” said Netanyahu in a statement.

Palestinian leaders agreed, saying that “Peace is within our lifetimes. Not our enemies’ lifetimes though. They will die.” World leaders voiced their support for the peace that the few remaining Israelis and Palestinians will finally be able to enjoy following the upcoming savage bloodbaths.

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