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The Brown Noser

It Would Be Funny If Peyton Manning Stole A Police Horse, But Not Because He Played For The Denver Broncos

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

You know those policemen who ride horses? Sometimes I see them around when I’m walking through my hometown of Denver. When I do, I love to imagine Peyton Manning stealing one of those horses and taking it on a joyride all around town. It would be so funny, but not because he used to play for a football team called the Broncos.

There are so many reasons why Peyton Manning stealing a police horse would be funny that have nothing to do with his former team. First off, he’s a celebrity! Can you imagine the media circus? Or what Twitter would be like if suddenly, future NFL Hall of Famer Peyton Manning stole a police horse and rode it up and down the street? I’d lose it! And not for any reasons that involve the fact that he used to play for a team whose mascot is a horse.

Peyton Manning is the last celebrity you’d expect to do something like this, right? It’s not like he’s an actor like Viggo Mortensen, who’s a bit of a wild card and has experience riding horses. No, Peyton stealing a police horse would be so random and funny, since the only connection he has to horses is a lazy and tangential one that you should, frankly, be able to see beyond.

Come on. It’s way funnier than that.

Plus, Peyton Manning is a good-humored guy who stars in many entertaining commercials. He’s even hosted Saturday Night Live! I bet he’d be shouting wisecracks while galloping through downtown Denver on his steed. I’m laughing just at the thought of it – but if you think it’s just because he won a Super Bowl with the Broncos, you’d be sorely mistaken.

I’d honestly lose respect for anyone who couldn’t see this situation for its innate humor, and instead just focused on the easy joke involving the similarity between the type of animal Manning would be riding and the mascot of his last professional team.

Try using the old brain for a second, why don’t you?

As I imagine Peyton Manning whipping out a cowboy hat and yodeling as he spurred on the police horse to cut across four rows of traffic, I laugh at the inherent absurdity of my mental creation, not at the fact he used to play for a team called the Broncos and also a team called the Colts. And you should do the same.

It would also be funny if Eli Manning stole a police horse, but only because he plays for the Giants and horses are really big.

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