Partly Cloudy, 64°
I can’t seriously be the only one who thinks it’s weird that they put all those sex swings, sex slides, and sex monkey bars in public like that, right? I mean, the other day I was driving home from work, and I was flabbergasted to see that they were putting up yet another one of these public sex dungeons. I mean, it’s vile! Like, I get it, people want to spice up their sex lives, it’s only natural. But when there are already so many options to privately fulfill sexual desires, I really question the use of public space and resources.
Like, I understand why someone would want to have sex on a swing—I’m not here to judge anyone for their sexual deviance. But are there really going to be seven couples all wanting to go on swings at the same time? Plus, some of the swings I’ve seen are just tires attached to ropes. Others look almost child-sized. It just feels like the people who designed these sex swings didn’t think people were gonna have sex on them. It’s completely illogical!
And don’t get me started on all the other weird sex contraptions. The sex slides are too big to use practically, the sex monkey bars are high enough off the ground that they seem hazardous (maybe that’s part of the thrill?), the sex seesaws—I just don’t think they make any sense! The sex sandbox might be the one place in the whole public sex-scape where having sex is at all comfortable. Even then, the sex sandbox looks like it’s always missing a bunch of sand. It’s beyond outrageous that my tax dollars are being spent on these orgy-promoting properties, especially if these places aren’t even good for fulfilling their one purpose.
But the absolute most devilish thing about these sex structures is that, during the day, there’s nothing to stop kids from playing on them. The other day, I saw a whole bunch of young kids running around on one of them, playing as if that were completely normal. These were young children, no older than eight. But what really made me blow my lid is that these kids’ parents were just watching their kids. Can you believe the gall? As they went down the sex slide, as they climbed on the sex monkey bars, as they played in the sex sandbox and on the sex seesaw, the parents just watched and smiled as if they got some kind of bizarre satisfaction from the whole thing. I just think that these sex palaces are weird as hell, and maybe we should do something about it. But until then, I’m still gonna keep making use of them—I mean, they’re right there, so why not?
