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The Brown Noser

Ivy Room Snags Falafel-Making Prodigy

Published Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

The most anticipated deal of the 2011 Dining Services offseason was completed Monday night as wunderkind wrap-maker Andrea Solisch ‘15 announced that she had reached an agreement in principle to sign an exclusive three-year, $17,000 contract with the Ivy Room.

Solisch, who has been wrapping falafel competitively since she was six years old, and who earned virtually every one of Indiana’s falafel-related accolades throughout her high school career, emerged last year as one of the top prospects in the country.

“The kid has unbelievable falafel-maker vision,” said Ivy Room back runner Jeret Templeton ‘13, “She sees things other people just don’t see. I’ll tell you: That’s a God-given gift that you either got or you don’t got. She’s got it.”

Solisch announced her decision in a press conference that was simulcast to all major campus eateries, where employees watched anxiously.

“I’ve given it a great deal of thought, and I’m pleased to announce that I’ll be taking my talents to the Ivy Room this coming fall,” said Solisch. Cameras flashed as she donned her green BUDS cap for the first time.

The announcement ignited a rowdy celebration at the Ivy Room that lasted well into the early morning.

Meanwhile, the mood at the Gate was bitter and blameful. A stunned silence following Solisch’s announcement was reportedly broken only when supervisor Mike Napier swore loudly, ripped down the television screen displaying the press conference and smashed it against the floor.

“I don’t know how we let her slip through our fingers, but somehow we did,” said Gate cashier Laura Nichols ’14 between Napier’s screams of rage. “We’re going to regret this day for a long time.”

Dining Services analysts called the acquisition a major coup for the Ivy Room, which had been locked in a political struggle with The Gate over Solisch – also an accomplished panini engineer – since fall 2009, when she first expressed interest in attending Brown.

Solisch dismissed as urban legend the claim that she could assemble four falafel wraps simultaneously while juggling them through the air and applying different amounts of hot sauce to each, but a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she did so prompted reporters to keep begging her to do the trick until she was forced to declare the interview over.

She lingered for several minutes after the interview ended to sign her name in sharpie on homemade falafel wraps brought in by her fans.

The Blue Room was barred from participating in preseason recruitment this year because of sanctions imposed by the NCAA last fall when several cashiers admitted to receiving free tattoos from patrons in exchange for only pretending to swipe their Brown IDs.

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