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Sources from Kidz Bop Studio indicate that Kidz Bop is just going to give up after “Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck” has topped Billboard’s Hot 100.
“Love love love love? Hugs hugs hugs hugs? Then I’m gonna suck your… no no no,” said Kidz Bop executive Jeffery Johnson, clearly in a state of panic. “Well, maybe… maybe if we just cut everything explicit from the song? Wait, no, that makes it 3 seconds long. I can’t do this anymore! Fuck this. I’m gonna get the fuck out of here. Fuck you, I give up on this shit.”
“Kidz Bop can’t pursue a cover of ‘Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck’ at this time—we just can’t,” commented Johnson, clearly trying his best not to burst into tears at an official Kidz Bop press conference. “Although we have never failed to deliver on our promise of re-releasing a clean version of every popular song ever recorded, making ‘Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck’ kid friendly is like trying to make pornography appropriate for kids. You can’t do it, and we certainly can’t either. Fuck.”
At press time, Kidz Bop had cut out all of the explicit material, which made the song 3 seconds long.
