Lying destroyed on the floor, five-year-old Melissa Ehrlich's collection of toys would have achieved sentience if they hadn't been completely trashed sources confirmed Thursday. "This looks like the perfect new house for Mr. Teddy," said a smiling Ehrlich, who then proceeded to shove the teddy bear into her Easy-Bake Over, unaware that both toys would have sprung to life and been best friends if they had remained intact. “Oh no! Something smells funny. Your face is all melted now. I’m sorry, Mr. Teddy. Maybe if I let you cool for a few minutes, you'll go back to normal.” At press time, Ehrlich was throwing a Barbie that would have loved her dearly out the window.

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