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The Brown Noser

Little Girl’s Toys Would Come Alive When She’s Not Around If She Didn’t Keep Breaking Them

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Sources report that five-year-old Melissa Erlich’s collection of toys which, among other damaged goods, consists of a limbless doll, a scratched miniature car, and a slinky with a fucked up coil was close to sentience before being ruined. “This looks like the perfect new house for Mr. Teddy,” Ehrlich said, dropping her teddy bear into her father’s food processor, unaware that the teddy bear would have had a wife teddy bear and three teddy bear children had it remained in tact. “Oh no! Your stuffing is all over the place now. I’m sorry, Mr. Teddy.” As of press time, Erlich’s parents were instructing her to be “very, very careful” with her toys to no avail.

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