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The Brown Noser

Little Kid’s Dinosaur Obsession Less Cute After He Admits He Just Wants To Know How They’d Taste

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

Looking on with concern as their young son played with his plastic dinosaurs, local couple Greg and Amanda Cassmeier concluded that the 5-year-old’s dinosaur obsession is significantly less cute now that he’s admitted he just wants to know how the prehistoric creatures would taste.

“Mikey was always into dinosaurs,” his father said, recalling the time before his son craved the flesh of a long-extinct creature. “Dinosaur action figures, dinosaur video games, dinosaur pajamas—you name it. We were proud of him for being so immersed in his interests… but now that he’s started talking about sautéing up a T. rex flank, we’re a little less enchanted by the whole thing.”

“Mikey used to love drawing pictures of dinosaurs with his crayons,” his mother added, trying to wrap her head around her son’s alarming curiosity regarding the taste of dinosaur flesh. “But now he draws them on a spit over open flames. And he licks his lips the whole time.”

“He wanted a dinosaur-themed birthday party, but eventually we learned that this meant he wanted platters of dinosaur meat appetizers and stegosaurus burgers. This entire time he was obsessed with dinosaurs, all he really wanted was a dinosaur steak, seared and seasoned to perfection.”

At press time, Mikey had gotten super into planes, but only plane crashes.

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