Saying that he does not feel comfortable just yet, beaded lizard Dave is going to need some time before he can trust his new tail. “I want to fling my body into the air and have faith that my new tail will stabilize my movement,” Dave said, stealing the occasional glance at the stumpy, discolored piece of flesh growing out of his back. “Unfortunately, that’s just not how the world works. I’ve gone through too many tails in my life to expect this one to be any better than the ones before it. The fact of the matter is that all tails will eventually fail you and break your heart and your body. So why trust a new tail when you know that it’s only a matter of time until it betrays you?” At press time, Dave was found staring at the locket around his neck containing a picture of his old tail and crooning “I will remember you.”

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