Local teenager Zach Dunlap has regrettably lost his eyesight after participating in the TikTok challenge based around stabbing yourself in the eye. “Unfortunately, the vision loss seems to be permanent,” commented optometrist Sean Moyer, consoling Zach’s grieving parents. “Too many adolescents in this country are willing to go to extremes in order to get attention on social media, even if it means forcefully and repeatedly inserting a screwdriver into their own eye socket.” At press time, several people were hospitalized due to the “Run Into Oncoming Traffic” challenge.

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