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The Brown Noser

Loser Freshman Can’t Even Get Rashid Zia To Sit With Him

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

Sources report that loser freshman John Greco has been consistently unsuccessful in getting Dean of the College Rashid Zia to sit with him.

“I’ve tried everything,” Greco lamented in his annoying little loser voice. “I camp out in the Ratty for hours doing engineering problems and loudly saying ‘Gee, I love the Open Curriculum but sometimes I have questions about it.’ He’ll go and sit at anyone’s table. Literally anyone’s except mine.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Greco said, sitting alone at the Ratty like the complete loser he is. “I see Dean Zia here all the time, but he always avoids eye contact. Why won’t he come sit with me?”

“I just sit around watching him go from table to table, and I don’t even get so much as a wave,” whined Greco, enforcing the fact that he is dumb and no one likes him. “It’s starting to look like I’ll be eating alone for the rest of the year.”

At press time, Greco couldn’t even get Gail to smile at him in the Blue Room.

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