Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to sources from Thayer Street, that loud car isn’t even fast.
“Holy shit, I bet that car must be so fast!” said a local bystander, pointing at the modified Honda Civic that could only moderately outpace its driver’s walking speed. “I bet the driver is super cool too—he even has a sticker with his Instagram handle on the rear window.”
“My ears are bleeding, so you know that thing must really be putting out some power,” said another bystander, gesturing to the car whose main characteristic is its tendency to break down. “I wonder what it can do zero to 60 in.”
“VROOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!” said the car, as it crawled past Baja’s at a snail’s pace. “VROOMVROOMVROOMVROOMVROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!”
At press time, a catcaller on a motorized tricycle wasn’t even threatening.
