Partly Cloudy, 64°
Christina Penniweather ’13 and Edward Montgomery ’12 exchanged feelings of mutual adoration last Saturday reversing the longstanding belief that love was something that could be given but never returned.
For centuries, scholars equated love with bitter loneliness, rash decisions, psychosis and feeble attempts at attaining the unattainable, but Penniweather and Montgomery have challenged that long-held belief.
“Watching the Penniweather-Montgomery case unfold changes everything we thought we knew about love and how it could never be shared,” said Donna Schriver, a Harvard University sociologist who has spent her entire life chasing after the impossible sense of companionship that Penniweather and Montgomery seem to have found. “It’s truly a miracle that these two have found each other.”
“Communal love between two people violates all of our theories,” said physicist Michio Kaku, whose work analyzing cosmic rays to determine that, just as on Earth, there is no love to be found in outer space was invalidated when Penniweather and Montgomery realized they were meant to be one. “Like pushing together magnets facing opposite directions.”
“If this is confirmed,” added Kaku, “it will reverse everything we’ve held true about humans and how their feelings for one another will never ever ever be reciprocated. Not even for physicists.”
Since the reports first surfaced, copycats have begun claiming to have achieved requited lust, affection and even hunger.
