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The Brown Noser

MAN WANT SEX WITH WOMAN BUT DO MAN THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE? NO! MAN MONSTER

Published Monday, March 11th, 2013

All man want is sex with woman. Man eat, man sleep, man drive in car, but what do man think of all the while? Do man think of anything but have sex with woman? No. Man monster.

“I love chicks,” say man Charlie Gombak, who only have room in brain for imagine ladies’ bodies. “Girls, girls, girls. I can’t get enough.”

“I’m actually pretty shy around the opposite sex,” say other man Dylan Odenkirk, a man who pretend to think of book and sport and science museum, but who imagine sexy kisses with woman even when he pretending. “One day I’ll meet the right girl, but until then, I’m happy to just hang out with my friends.”

When man with friends, man think of sex with woman. When man have doctor’s appointment, man think of sex with woman. When man attend grandmother’s funeral, man know better than to think of sex with woman, but man do it anyway.

“What I’m most interested in is 15th century Japanese Kano art,” say man Vernon Lewis, a man who only speak to drown out sounds of sex always inside his head. “It’s an esoteric movement, to be sure. But I really think it was some of the best art to come out of the Eastern world during that period.”

“You ever wonder if we’re all just cogs in one giant machine?” ask private parts with man Dan Glaser stuck on back of them. “Like, what if what we’re doing as individuals doesn’t matter at all? I don’t know. Maybe I’m depressed.”

Woman sometimes read Cosmopolitan Magazine article like “How to Turn a Guy On” or “7 Ways to Enhance His Orgasm," because if she become good at sex man will want her around even when they not having sex. But woman barely think of sex at all.

“Sex?” ask woman Lisa J. Fitz, who picture sex only during romantic movie starring Matthew McConaughey.

“Sex?” ask woman Michelle Hsu, who consider sex to be path to marriage with many baby.

“Sex?” ask woman Barbra Hopp, who make joke about sex after two appletini drink but use giggly voice because talking like that feel so funny. “Yeah, sex. Sometimes I just want to fuck somebody.”

Man think about sex constantly and woman think about sex almost never. Man like sex more than water or breathing, while woman like sex about as much as old cheese on soggy cracker. Can man and woman ever live in harmony?

“My husband likes to have sex, and I like to have sex too,” say woman Cathy Feinberg. “We have sex about twice a week. That’s quite enough sex for me, and he tells me that it’s quite enough sex for him too. I love my husband. I love him very much.”

No. Man monster.

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