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The Brown Noser

MCM Student Can’t Decide Which Pseudoscientist To Cite In Paper

Published Friday, March 15th, 2024

Modern Culture and Media concentrator Sarah Lewins has been scouring the internet in search of the least reputable scientist to reference in their final paper.

“This is a tough choice, because these people all did a roughly equal amount of cocaine,” said Lewins, furiously typing the names of notoriously illegitimate scientists into ZoteroBib. “They all had such equally zany psychoanalytic ideas. As every good MCM student knows: if it was published at any point in time, it must be true. So there are so many options!”

“Maybe I’ll go with Ivan ‘The Jiggler’ Orlova, who pioneered the Jiggly Uterus Theory,” pondered Lewins, still deciding between several men whose astonishingly well-known thoughts were never actually proven. “Modern Culture and Media is a perfect concentration for students who yearn to thoughtfully use the phrase ‘penis envy’ in conversation, but writing papers comes with difficult decisions. I simply cannot decide which of these people has the least scientific integrity. Boy, what a dilemma!”

At press time, Neuroscience concentrators were struggling to decide which animals to abuse.

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